Escaping The Perfect World

Ego plays its ambiguous power games over all things, minus the details necessary to fuel the process. In other words, the inner workings of how things work destroy the absolute image of inescapable domination and absolute fulfillment and so they are blurred out of focus, instead the end result being the prime prize (within its point of view). It doesn’t help that capitalist society fuels this process which is why it is so successful as it is because it plays off of human nature. The rest suffer the consequences with little regard by the bigger shots, the same basic problem that has permeated throughout human history. But when one is surrounded by an endless comfort of living: endless water supply, endless groceries, endless television, endless porn then who would want to leave this perfect world? Human history is littered with conflict and struggle, the struggle to maintain a decent lifestyle to live on and with modern day comforts, who would want to leave…especially when there is little left to enjoy in our lives?

Unfortunately, the future is not so kind. If Typhoon Haiyan taught us anything, it’s that apocalyptic environments are on their way and fast. This is seen in the news with the numerous amount of sinkholes/water line bursts, earthquakes, natural disasters, early sunrise/sunset, moon out of place and so forth. Even with all of this evidence, what is the factor that keeps us from preparing for such an environment? Modern day living? Sure, going to work everyday then coming home for a good dinner then watching some mindless fun could be considered modern day living. I think anything considered to be mindless fun would fall under that category in general. In a world with increasing danger, uncertainty and insecurity of one’s environment, it is natural for humans to turn off their concentration and indulge in mindless activities. Imagining living inside of an apocalyptic world doesn’t seem to be a possibility for many people. Perhaps it’s because they have a hard time letting go of their own comfortable lifestyles? I would be included in this as well, so they are not alone in this. While I see what needs to be done, the question is how can I go about it.

In order to survive the coming economic issues and natural disasters, a DIY approach must be taken. This is pretty much a requirement. This doesn’t mean that you have to know everything about a house works, although that would be useful knowledge. But it does mean that you need to be good at something, other than whining for more fast food, cheap electronics, shitty sitcoms and free government handouts. It’s easy for children to become complacent once they’re given free food and cash without having to work for it. But take that away and they naturally complain and whine about not having it anymore. The core problem seems to be the same with people: spiritually, we are adolescents of the universe and once you take away the government handouts and grocery stores, we all bitch and complain. No one wants to do the hard work. Everyone wants to live a life of excess and luxury without having to pay for it. Too bad an unchanging society is entropy’s bitch. Why do you think people are getting crazier out there?

So the big question is: how does one go from a full time job living a life of comfort to being a self sustainable DIY’er (especially with debts to pay off)? The frame of mind is of course one of the problems, but what lies in the heart is also the issue. I’m going to have to work through this and see what I can do. Being independent in body is not one of my strong points and is probably one of the reasons why I don’t talk to a lot of people. Of course, thought wise this isn’t an issue but how can this be applied to physical reality?

It seems I have to make some fundamental changes to some of my characters if I intend to survive what is coming. All of the changes will come if I do this correctly, imagine them correctly. This high standard of living must be lowered if I am able to do what I wish in the future. No more fast food after work. No more excessive online purchases. Donations will have to be lowered. Basically, anything that is not considered to be essential will be lowered or cut out of the budget. The second thing is realizing what the dumbing down of America has done to people, and what you need to do in order get yourself back in your own game. People have been reverting to the emotional mentality of children in the face of the transformation and the exact opposite is what needs to be done. You must think for yourself, stand up to the plate and achieve. Great results do not come without hard work. You know this. The shortwave antenna installation is a great example. You just need to resist the dumbing down of intelligence sweeping the nation.

Why people are going insane

[Written on a notepad during work]

I am getting sick and tired of feeling like this. Having to live a double life and dealing with mankind’s denial bullshit. Believe in a large unseen force that’s out to make your life on Earth better? Sure, of course! Believe in a large unseen threat that can destroy your reality? Fuck that, it’s not possible!

There’s a huge contradiction here in human logic.

Denial is a survival mechanism. It allows one to escape from being frozen in fear. Living with it around me is a bitch.

I’m tired. I’m tired of a lot of things actually. In many ways I’m tired of writing my Mario fanfiction.

[But of course, I have to go on.]

Evangelion and the Transformation

[Written sometime this month]

Evangelion had its place and time. A channeling of the upcoming harvest of Earth, perhaps. Soul memory of such times. A message about the transformation of Earth. Back then, I would not have known, so it was a gradual transformation that fully manifested some years later. The soul must decide for itself upon disseminating such information, presented as allegory and metaphor.

I work two lines in this place. Two lines of polarity. One must work with the other to reach singularity. Paradox marrying itself.

Eva at the end attempts to reach such singularity after a seemingly endless duel with duality. How does one who has achieved singularity live in a world of duality?

Core Truths: Relationships under the cover-up

[A small note as written during work a few weeks ago]

Once you know this information, it becomes near impossible to try and begin a relationship with someone else, even if they’re friends. The more truth becomes evident in daily life, the more people try to escape that awful “feeling,” burying their heads deeper in the sand. To those who still have a level head that looks to the sky rather than the ground, it becomes clear that people are getting crazier, acting crazier in their quest of denying what they see. Unable to imagine a simpler life, they cling to material assets, to what comforts them rather than envision the alternatives. A privileged lifestyle is hard to let go of, after the hardships humanity has experienced throughout its history. People met, once discovering the core truth, run. They are like a river, you meet them but they must move on, too slippery to hold on to.

My anxiety runs high today. It seems likely that something important will happen in the future soon.

The Later Exelis Papers

[These were written during my last days at Exelis, a large defense contractor. Reading through this again, it seems I was under much stress from the nature of that industry and was venting from working in such an environment.]

[As written on June 24, 2013]

So now it’s all about networking with people you don’t even care about.

Never thought hell could look so beautiful.

Why bother asking them? They should just do things for you. They know the reasons. Only butt in and say no if there’s a serious issue otherwise, asking for things seem pointless. Well, besides stemming the selfish out of sight.

I am a star child trying to fit into this society called Earth. Their self serving principles however go against my own. Spirit’s intent stem back to its prior experiences and is thus a spiral out of control. I came here to help them out and show them another way of seeing things. But most prefer a life of denial and distraction. How can I accomplish my mission now?

As the shift gets closer, the more will people increase their denial direct proportion, like children refusing to study. Their cries of “No, no, no!” resonated throughout the telepathic space, or at least what is allowed. How can I calm these children down and make them productive? Not. Yelling at a child will not have the best effect, especially if its the truth. You’d traumatize them, much like what the announcement will do to them. Perhaps I should treat humanity like children. Just be careful of your fellow star children, in this case.

But right now, I am just existing. I need to change that.

I’m very self-absorbed. This is a problem when trying to help others.

I came down here to twirl this pencil, to feel its hardness, to sense its textures. You can’t do that while discarnate, only in memory. You can feel it in the moment down here and create new memories for yourself and others. You have to be in a machine in order to experience dense things.

Many in developed countries seem to have a point of view that they must be entertained. You see this with Scott especially, as well as many workers at Exelis. This is how they are alike. To be entertained by media or otherwise should not be the sole purpose of existence. This is why these same coworkers went outside during a severe thunderstorm despite the logical dangers: they want to be entertained. I’m not here for that. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt, but it’s certainly not my sole purpose. Entertainment is a major distraction from the problems at hand, and serves to fuel the denial of the Earth Changes taking place. Entertainment is meant as a relief, a break and not as an entire lifestyle, or one’s entire perspective to life. But you know how much kids love games and humans are the same way, spiritually being children.

[As written on July 8, 2013]

The problem with philosophic ideals is human behavior. The idea may be profound, but primal human behaviors may not allow it to function. An example of this is communism. The very idea of 100% equality flies against what I call the selfish principle. Basically, most humans think of themselves first. The idea of the other is only considered in relation to selfish goals. Of course, not all humans think this way and many think “from the heart” of their beings. But the current social structure, founded on capitalism is lead by the selfish.

Capitalism itself works well because it appeals to human nature. The idea of a self made man appeals to the human selfishness, especially when said greed may be acquired with little to no violence. Humans naturally do not like to face their own consequences. The leader of the pack is no longer hotly contested: debated, but contested only by either the most selfish or most selfless (a rarity).

Entertainment is designed to appeal to the human selfishness to make it more complacent to its situation. The mind relates the hero or the villain to itself, separating its self-awareness from its current reality, further isolating the individual into a complacent state. This further develops into a scenario called “running from yourself.” This is one of the major plagues currently affecting modern society.

you evolved into _____!

Goodbye Coworx, goodbye Exelis. Hello famous candle making company. That’s right, for the first time in 4 years I finally landed myself a permanent, full time job. I am still trying to really get into that new swing of things after working temp jobs for so long, but it is a long needed breath of fresh air for sure. Oh yeah, said famous candle making company is Yankee Candle. Machine Operator, so I basically help fill the candles themselves. It is a very smelly and messy job, but there is little to complain about. Only thing I can think of at the top of my head are the short breaks.

Otherwise, things have been pretty chill. Released Chapter 33 for my fanfic early this morning. Not much else to talk about, really. I try to update this journal at least once a month, except I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about this time. I mean, I could get into the Earth Changes and all that, but I think anyone with half a brain knows what’s going on in the world right now. American media rarely reports on natural disasters outside of its own country and instead keeps people occupied with Zimmerman, celebrity news and basically things that mean very little in the long run. But since so many people don’t even have half a brain, it seems to work brilliantly.

Yeah, there have been tornado’s in Canada, mass flooding in India and China, sinkholes all over the place, landslides across the Appalachians, and how much of this is reported by the American media? Do not trust them! People flock to the news and believe that’s all there is, well you’re wrong. Oh yeah, vertical jet stream which was responsible for the flooding Calgary got recently. How much of that got coverage? Haha, little to none.

Seek answers outside of the face you were taught to believe.

You manifest what you write

[A stream of consciousness written on May 31]

what should I write

knowing what I’ve done

women change men

what she did to CB

what she did to Scott

they are to be rightly feared

the Roman Emperor

hard to trust them

knowing their full potential…of evil

but do they know their good?

who would know they were controlled

who would know

the mothers of life are under a spell

they dismiss in their protection

they turn around

and join the millions in their woes and sorrows

over their relationships

they dismiss in their protection

what help they could have

we deserve more

we don’t believe we should

why?

where is this self hatred coming from?

inadequacy for the future

knowing what we’ve done

in the past

not worthy of ascension

who can blame us, the visitors?

we know what’s coming

they told us, after all

what can we do but mourn

or learn

or learn

from mistakes

you have eternity to grieve

but far less to overcome

don’t waste your opportunity

to change your future

last you’re back in heaven discarnate

unable to change your grief

start with forgiving yourself

there is no other way out

you may not be worthy now

why forgive someone unworthy of heaven

because you are not worthy of hell

In this battlefield, mistakes are made

we carry on fighting

to stop is to die

forgive yourself and move on

knowing the universe will balance everything out

the law of karma at work

just be careful next time

blasted, fallen

into another crater

all I bring is war

let the lovers hide

I cannot see them

good

all I bring is war

In a job that powers bombs

you attract what you think

make war in your mind

make war with your hands

I cannot write what I do not want to manifest

in my life

Battles they go through will manifest

Relationships they go through will manifest

All their sufferings will become yours

No wonder so much was discarded…

The story as you know it

cannot manifest unless you suffer what they suffer

look at the Koopa Khronices

are events there also not manifesting?

You say that Mario tale is a practice run

yes, for manifesting what you write

still want to write the third book?

you know what is coming

by writing it, you only hasten it

allow them their happiness

From the book of the lost college student

[As mostly written on June 14]

So, a note on broken minds:

They say go back to college. Yeah, think about it. You get all that debt, but who cares? You get your own place, bring home all the bitches, enjoy your empty sex every night. Barely pass your class, but pass your friend’s with flying colors. You fly every afternoon anyway. Fuck homework, right? Repeat a few times, growing numb to everything. It’s gotta be more spectacular than the last time. Can’t keep awake otherwise. So by the time it’s over and you get the most expensive piece of paper in the world, what are you then? No zombie, you say. Haha, whoops. Zombies can’t live life.

Sober up despite your incessant whining. Fucking hating this shit already. You know you always did, but lets flow with it. Jobs. Haha, work. Yeah, that’s why you’re here. Look for some…wait.

Where are they?

Fuck, this is what school is for. Where the fuck are my jobs? Fuck sober, back to who I was. Paint a new spiral. But you know…you secretly like where this is going. You hated the world anyway. It’s nigh time it ended, right? What else to do you have to lose?

Well, you wouldn’t know it at the time, but your mind. But remember: if you go back to college, you can fix it!

The programming that has held society together is breaking up, and those minds not trained to see its failure will simply recognize irregular errors all over the place. You can still go to college though!

Hahaha…

We all know broken machines. But what about a blood machine? Would you mind be able to be self-conscious of its own problems? A well trained mind would be able to. Otherwise, the errors would run in the background while the conscious carries along. It’s like a human that carries on even though its limbs are falling off and its skin peeling away. It’s totally oblivious of its state. So are many minds out there.

But you can still go back to college!

The May Papers: A Breakdown

[These papers were written during my employment at Exelis, which was due to close in late July.]

5/1/13

I have no idea what to do with my life. One occupation isn’t enough. It’s too boring to do the same thing for the rest of your life. Where do I go from here? It feels like I’m wandering aimlessly through life. You know the disasters are coming, but are you really preparing for them? Or are you lying to yourself, thinking to be ahead of the pack?

5/8/13

Everyday this place gets worse. Under stress and despair, you get to see the real faces of people. Pigs. Irresponsible pigs. These people are empty, they do not have spirits. Controlled by negative forces, they turn into pigs. They are not learning what matters. I can see why the hierarchy of humanity consider the little people as cattle. Oh no, I’m better than that! I can deny! Deny what you just said, and create a world filled with half truths. I’m still right, right? Arrogance doesn’t know otherwise.

People willingly constipate their minds to block themselves from the truth. In fact, society is largely based on this. Acting like it doesn’t matter. Who can be more egotistic than the other? Childish games, the hopeless race. The dreams of snakes.

live for one moment, die the next

every life is a minute

of tragedy

where to swim

my mind is a clutter

restlessness

despair, so much

for their decisions

for their fate

I watch, the example

the pigs feeding on the mother nipple

sadness, drowning sadness

where to look

from living a lie

I wish only

to be deserving

and expect to see

all over

on the edge of insanity

calmer than behind

crystal tower knows it all

token, broken

smokin’, doors wide open

hoping

I see me, wishing for you

a puddle of blue

realistic view

I know what to lose

keep the fuze

my heart already blew

pieces

take them, their choice

upon you

silly humans

inhaling, I taste you

bosom of the mother

fat lips, greedy thirst

the nursery rhyme spins round again

keeps me warm

sour milk burst

in my mouth

always

grow into nothing

beautiful permanence

open my eyes

titanium tits

the eternal mother

I’m one of them

nothing to wonder

close my eyes

come back to pretend

always

5/14/13

No external wars, but internal conflicts. Problems tune humans inward into themselves, showing their natures, more often selfish than not. Logic becomes a subjective perspective, if not non existent. The higher we keep ourselves, the lower we really are. Say things like they are, not down but level. They don’t understand reflections when they see them. Become scared and pidgin yourself, into that hole you always intended to hide in at some point.

Collective amnesia from endless repetition. Faces for all occasions. Being yourself. Can you do it?

Channeling the insanity in a sane matter. The breakdown of social structure, the breakdown of facial structure. But how is insanity perceived as sanity? By those in denial.

I could make graphs and glyphs related to Numerology, but I know in the end that it really doesn’t matter. It would be only read by myself and a handful of individuals. Numerology is solace in patterns, escaping from chaotic insanity to the comfort of predictable patterns. [Isn’t this what all humans do?]

How much longer will this boredom continue?

5/20/13

The future model of civilization always started with a few, and took decades or even centuries to manifest. Now in this time and age, the new body will soon be replacing this one, and those who know are trying to live their soul’s desires before the old body becomes unavailable. Books on everything, everywhere. People doing anything imaginable. Perhaps this is one reason for the amnesia…the freedom to experience what they truly desire without all the excess baggage from the past. Forgotten baggage. Not like before. Persistence reflecting soul cycles, revolving about itself. Mankind does not know how to transform its suffering into a greater good for all. It cannot evolve its spirit well as a result, but this is not universal. Many spirits evolve quickly of course while others are slower.

5/21/13

I’m sorry.,….forgive yourself. Resonance must be brought back up. Forgive yourself. The scum of humanity dwell in low levels. Climb back up. It will take a week or more, but it can be done. Raise the kundalini back through the spine again. Realign the chakras and reconnect the chakra flow from bottom to top. Use the crystals designed for this to accelerate the process. Begin meditation.

Moldavite for the heart. Tells me to use Blue Kyanite with it in the left hand. I am sorry. Release the negative flow upward through the system. Quartz to magnify the rose quartz needed to reopen the heart chakra again. Continue. Same hand.

I have the flow to the solar plexus. Will need communication stones. Will need to buy a few more. Time to take a trip to the crystal store. Au revoir.

The Transaction Program

Money is traded for goods. Goods are traded for money. Time is traded for money. That is a one way exchange. Money is traded for sex. Sex is traded for money. Fear is traded for placebos. Placebos are traded for friendship. The foundation of societies. Running from problems is traded with distractions. Distractions is traded with miserable days. This is a valid and self chosen transaction. Emotions are traded for ideals. Happiness is traded for another’s dream. Compassion is traded for self obsession. The most commonly bought commodity. Pain is traded for lies. Lies buy you happiness, but only if you trade self-worth along with it. Self awareness is traded for physical indulgence, especially if other commodities run low. Dreams are traded for delusion, with most unaware of the transaction. Humans are traded for gain. Gain is subjective to the delusions brought about by its exchanges for dreams. Cooperation is traded with misery. The flow of duality is exchanged with the black and white. Polarization is traded with evolution. Evolution is traded for materiality, brought about by mass quantities of physical indulgence and gain. Materiality is traded for love. Love is traded for comfort, brought about by failing placebos.

I trade my time for insight. You trade your time to see this. I trade my insight for your understanding. You trade your understanding for an evolved perspective. I see you and raise my perspective upwards, mirrors of me. Mirror of you, contemplate yourself. What you see is an exchange of what you desire. Do you feel satisfied? That is up to me, but it is not up to me. That is up to you, mirrors of me. We reflect ourselves in exchange for inner understanding. I already knew you before you appeared, but I don’t remember you. I thought of you. I saw you, and now I see myself.

What makes a human tremble at its knees, to forget the faces of his own self in front of it? Its own self turned inward, whispers in the ear of a nameless fear, to sustain oneself above all else or to perish. Clarity traded for a maze of voices. Calmness traded for an endless restlessness. Self control traded for an instinct to survive above all else. Emotions traded for undying absolution. Programmed, ready to transact.